Intimacy &
Sexual Connection
Intimacy & Sexual Connection
Counseling for Married Couples
When Jason and Gloria sat in my office (names and details changed) they described how their bedroom had become a place of tension and avoidance.
“It’s not just that there’s no sex in our marriage. There’s a complete lack of intimacy,” Jason shared. He shook his head. “Our big sex issues arose after the kids.”
“It’s difficult because sex feels disconnected now,” Gloria said. “I can’t connect physically if there’s no connection emotionally. Maybe there’s just a desire mismatch in our marriage.” Tears began to surface in her eyes.
When Sex Becomes a
Source of Distance in Marriage
If you’re experiencing problems with sex in your marriage, you’re not alone. Many couples struggle with mismatched desire, emotional distance, or recurring conflict around sex. To make matters more painful, any conversations they try to have, tend to end in a sense of further disconnection. Over time, these struggles can leave both partners feeling alone. One may feel unappreciated and used while the other feels unseen or unwanted.
I help married couples address the emotional and relational roots of sexual intimacy problems, so sex can become less charged and more connected again.
How Counseling Helps with
Sexual Intimacy Issues
My work with couples like Jason and Gloria begins by slowing things down and looking beneath the surface of the sexual struggle. Using an attachment-based approach, we focus on helping them understand what’s happening between them, not just what’s happening in the bedroom.
Together, we explore how emotional disconnection is shaping their physical intimacy. We work toward helping each partner express needs and longings without blame or pressure. We pay close attention to moments where shame shows up, where one partner shuts down, or where the other pushes harder in response.
Often, we uncover familiar patterns. One spouse pursues connection while the other pulls away. This is not because they don’t care. But something deeper and powerful happens. Their nervous systems shout, “Emotional pain incoming! This is where we experienced rejection and disconnection before!” Then, something reflexive happens. They go to protective moves that are intended to avoid hurt feelings, but result in distance. And it can happen in a fraction of a second.
As trust, emotional safety, and responsiveness begin to grow, the conversation about sex starts to feel different and less charged. They feel their bodies relax. The conversation becomes less fragile. And much more honest.
The 3 Kinds of Sex:
A Guide to Deeper Intimacy
Do you feel disconnected or mismatched in desire? Maybe you sense that something is missing even when things work. And you ultimately long for intimacy that feels emotionally safe, deeply connected, and mutually satisfying. My hope is that you will experience this not just in the moment, but in the bond you share.
What This Work Is and What It Isn’t
I am not a certified sex therapist, and I do not treat medical or highly specialized sexual disorders.
What I do help with is the relational side of sexual intimacy. That includes the emotional, communication, and attachment dynamics that so often underlie sexual difficulties in marriage.
When concerns fall outside my scope of practice, I am thoughtful about collaboration and referral.
You Don’t Have to Keep
Circling the Same Conversation
If sexual intimacy has become a source of pain, distance, or confusion in your marriage, counseling can help you understand what’s happening and how to move forward together.
You don’t need to have all the right words. You just need a place where the conversation can finally slow down and become more honest.
When couples feel safer emotionally, sexual quite often follows naturally. This isn’t because a couple is white-knuckling through the disconnect. But because they can relax when their relationship is no longer carrying the weight of unresolved relational pain.
